


Swan Song

by kathie_raddare



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Based on a Lana Del Rey Song, Called Lovely Bones, Canon Compliant, Eren Yeager Needs a Hug, Ereri Week, Ereri Week 2020, Fate, First SFW Fanfic, Here take a tissue, I cried on my own fanfic, I'm Sorry, Implied Love, Last words, Love Letters, M/M, POV Eren Yeager, Paths (Shingeki no Kyojin), Redemption, Sad Ending, Sad Eren Yeager, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers, Spoilers, Tea Shop Owner Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Title from a Lana Del Rey Song, and me too, based on a movie, like a baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:01:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27192802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathie_raddare/pseuds/kathie_raddare
Summary: As the world decays around him, humanity's last hope can achieve and deliver what everyone expected: freedom. And while some roared for victory, he said goodbye to the only world he knew – a world that no longer accepted his own existence.For day 25 (Paths), 28 (Redemption), 29 (Fate) and 30 (Last Words) of Ereri Week 2020.
Relationships: Levi & Eren Yeager, Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 22
Kudos: 80





	Swan Song

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo...I'm back. You all must be sick of me posted three different fanfic in one week but in my defense, it's not my fault Ererictober and Ereriweek were in the same week! And for everyone's surprise, here is my first non-smutty fanfic. I'm sorry about that. As a manga reader I cried my heart out writing this fanfic, so let's hug and cry together. But I promise it's not too bad, I'm just an emotional sponge. You won't hurt too much (I hope so). Please, don't turn back just because it doesn't have smut. After reading it, you can always read A Wolf's Feast for steamy sex! That's it, folks. Happy Ereri Week!! Enjoy~~

_And I will never sing again_   
_And you_ _won't_ _work another day_   
_I will never sing again_   
_With just one wave it goes away_   
_It will be our swan song_

 _Live your life_   
_Live your life, where_ _you've_ _been_   
_Where you're going to_   
_Say good night_   
_Say good night to the life in the world we live_

**_Swan Song - Lana del Rey_ **

Eren could still feel the pain spreading in his body, so torturing it almost went unnoticed. He could smell burning flesh, dry tears, and gunpowder pinching his nostrils. He could feel the weight of the world falling on his shoulders and could hear Mikasa's last scream at his inevitable fate. 

A fate he knew long ago would come from Armin's plans. A fate he had already accepted. 

Closing his eyes, the man was brought straight to the only place that still accepted his existence. A place where the soil was made of colored sand and the sky, full of stars. A place where time was an irrelevant factor and where past, present, and future met. 

Eren found himself under the northern lights that left a trail in the sky. The souls and existences being carried aways by the paths toward the future. 

A future that didn't have space for the existence of Eren Jaeger. 

The boy who was born with the simple destiny of sacrificing himself for the sins of humanity would not fit into a world made of peace and dreams. The spirit of struggle and liberation within itself was not destined for a time when happiness was not an unreachable future. 

In the end, Eren Jaeger was the result of unexpected events and born to solve the crimes of humanity. 

And in a world where Eldians would never be discriminated by Marlerians and in which titans never existed, Eren Jaeger also wouldn't exist. 

His dreams, his aspirations, his desires for freedom would be nothing but emotions that never let him give up. The anger he felt at seeing a titan kill his mother; the feeling of uselessness when he saw three men trying to kidnap a little girl; the sense of justice when he saw a thin blond boy being beaten. 

None of that would be real because none of that would exist when the past was changed. 

The camaraderie in the training tents, the tears of frustration at losing his comrades, the uncertainty after seeing Annie crystallizing herself, and the burning desire of never stopping until defeat the enemy. 

None of that would be remembered because the owner of those feeling wouldn't exist in a world where a girl wouldn't be chased by arrows and become a slave. Or in a world where three children - Sina, Maria, and Rose - would never be forced to feed on their own mother's carcass. 

The world of wars, titans, and walls was unique and exclusively of Eren Jaeger. 

Not even the feeling of butterflies in his stomach when he saw Captain Levi would be recognized. The pain of always being alone and misunderstood would never mean anything to anyone. And the desire to have at least touched the only person who made him feel beyond emptiness would never be met. 

Because in a world where Grisha Jaeger had never been sent to Paradis, Carla would never have given birth to a certain emerald-eyed boy. 

And yet knowing all this, even though the sky began to fragment around him, even though the pain began to consume him until Eren was nothing more than a remnant of a forgotten past... even though he knew all this, he had a single request, a single chance to glimpse the future. 

And what terrible monster would stop a sacrificed boy from fulfilling a single wish? 

Gradually, the earth at his feet turned into cobblestone pavements, and the dunes were shaped into simple houses. What was once the dark, starry sky morphed into the blue of a bright, familiar day. And the loneliness he was used to, dissipated when children materialized and bumped into his legs. 

"Sorry, sir!" 

Gabi Braun ran by, living her twelve years as a child and blooming in laughter and banter, a happy feature on her face. Gabi Braun, who still had the innocence of a child and who had never witnessed her own friends being crushed by rocks in a show. Gabi Braun, who in this world could be anything but a cadet waiting to receive the succession of a titan. 

She was holding hands with Falco, the innocent and kind boy Eren saw being turned into an unconscious titan and who in this world didn't have to worry about protecting his brother and best friend or striving to save the world. 

Raising his green eyes to the city, Eren could see the seaside birds that always flew over the walls happily landing on the roof of the houses. The smell of salt and seawater nullified the cadaveric odor he was used to and when the brunette narrowed his eyes he could see that, in the distance, a seaport stretched out. 

Because in this world, the ocean was not a dream shared between Eren and Armin, but a reality for the city of Marley, which had never driven the Eldians away from their land. Better yet, a world where they coexisted peacefully. 

All because of the sacrifice of a boy who would never see the future become brighter and who would never have the opportunity, like those children, to be a carefree and pure child. 

He didn't know what drove him to take the first step and continue to crush his own heart as he watched around him. 

In one of the stalls exposed in the street, a girl with brown hair trapped in a ponytail proudly displayed pieces of meat exposed to the sun, one hand waving the flies away and the other gesturing to a redheaded woman accompanied by an old man. 

A small smile stretched on Eren's face as he watched Sasha, still alive and happy, expose the hunts she was so skilled into. Healthy, laughing, and without a bullet piercing her stomach. Similarly, Petra had her father's weight resting on her and talked to the brunette in the same gentle way she used to talk to Eren, even when they were all facing death at the feet of the female titan. 

None of them recognized the long-haired man who passed through them. 

As well as Armin, who read a history book sitting on the stairs of a building. Neither did he recognizedEren. The one who had the power to put an end to the war and who did, had a small smile as he read about the wonders of the world in broad daylight. 

What was once a forbidden book could now be read on the sidewalk. And the boy who once had a frowny and weak appearance seemed strong and ready for adventures. Especially when the door opened and a blonde woman called him to lunch. 

"I'll be right there, Mom." 

Armin, who always walked with his head down and sullen, stood up and entered the house with light steps, closing the door without glancing at the stranger's way. A stranger who, in another world, was his best friend and the one the blond had to kill for peace. 

Eren continued to walk, noting Erwin Smith walking towards the harbor with 12 children divided into two rows behind him. Although he still carried the serious posture of Commander, he used a soft and booming voice to explain the geography of the world and the disposition of the continents and seas, pointing out and giving examples as the good teacher he was. 

And if Jean was leaning against one of the houses, saying something and making a blonde girl smile, Erenwouldn't judge him. In that world, a family wasn't impossible. 

And if Mikasa came around the corner, carrying several bags in the company of an older Asian woman, Eren wouldn't judge her, because if he had a second chance, he also would spend more time helping his own mother cut potatoes. 

"Hey! Don't run, young man! Do you want me to leave you behind?" 

"Mama!" The voice of a small child was what caught his eye and made him turn to find the woman he never thought he would see again. She looked as young as the last time Eren saw her, brown hair was thrown over one shoulder and almost golden eyes sharp at the child running in front of her. 

"Mama! Mama, I can fly like the balloons!!" The little one stated, very excited in swinging a miniature zeppelin to notice the cobblestones arranged on the ground. 

"You'll fall if you don't - " 

Even before Carla finished the sentence, Eren saw the boy stumble in one of the most prominent concrete pieces and his little body tip forward. 

Without thinking twice and without considering the idea of being invisible to those people, the brunette stretched out his long arms and, surprisingly, was able to avoid the child's fall. 

"Now would you look at that!? It's like I'm talking to a brick wall!" Carla came in quick steps, dropping the bag of vegetables on the ground and stopping in front of Eren, hands on her waist in a very critical position. 

"Mama!" The child, wide-eyed and scared, struggled to be released from Eren's hands and ran behind his mother, grabbing her skirt and eyeing the stranger. 

"How many times do I have to tell you not to run in front of me? If it wasn't for this kind young man, you'd have lost your teeth!" 

Eren was surprised she realized he was there, but again, the years of struggle and pain made the boy realize how wise his mother was and how much more he should have enjoyed the moments he had spent with her. Maybe this Carla still had a dormant memory of the green-eyed boy who couldn't lift the heavy wood that crushed her legs. 

Maybe even in another world, there was still had a piece of her that remembered the only son she had in a distant world. 

And how Eren would like that to be true... how he would like to- 

"Oh, my lord, I'm sorry for this misbehaved child! Talking doesn't seem to do any good with him!" She stretched a hand back and slapped the child's head, who grimaces and pouted. 

Eren watched the scene perplexed, seeing so much of himself in that child. 

"No..." He babbled, rising from the crouching position he was in and tapping the clothes he was wearing to arrange it. All so he wouldn't have to raise his eyes to the woman he missed so much and to not make the knots pressing his throat even worse. "...don't worry, I was a kid once." 

"But I'm sure your mother didn't have the amount of word I have with this kid!" She declared, grabbing the child's ear and trying to pull him in to apologize to the unknown man. Green eyes widened when he saw the boy's reluctance and so he shook his hands in denial, gesturing that no excuse was needed. 

"... I think she had a little more trouble with that." 

"Oh, don't say that! To have grown up so beautiful and educated, I'm sure your mother is proud of what you became." 

He knew that the phrase was not completely true and he knew he couldn't afford to think he was still important to someone in that future. No, he knew rationally that was just the gentleness of a soul who was once his mother. And yet, he wanted to believe that his mother, his Carla Jaeger, was proud of him. 

He wanted to believe that all the deaths he caused in his world until he could change the past had a motive beyond human cruelty. And maybe if the future included him, he'd like to think she'd be proud of him. 

"Hey!" Without realizing he had dropped his own head, the boy widened his eyes to the hand holding his arm. Closer than ever, the feminine feature and brown eyes looked at him with a worried expression. "Are you all right, my boy? Your beautiful eyes seemed about to cry." 

And oh... how he still wanted to be her boy... how he wished he wasn't disposable. 

"Ah" Eren smiled grow awkward, the emotions he had long suppressed, gradually making its way to the surface, humanizing him even more. "It's just that...you remind me of someone I lost a few years ago..." 

He admitted, swallowing several times and trying to keep his own emotions in check. However, in any world, Carla was still a mother and something inside her said to wrap that shaggy-haired stranger in her arms. Maybe it was just a maternal instinct or maybe it was something locked up in the unimaginable places of her soul. But the woman didn't think twice about holding the boy against her chest, noting how strong and fragile he looked at the same time. 

"Oh, dear... I'm so sorry. If it's who I'm thinking of, I'm sure she's proud of you." 

And of all the things Eren never expected to receive, that was the most important of them. How he wished he could go back in the past and not be a useless child. How he wished he hadn't fought his mother at the last minute, abruptly cutting their relationship without saying goodbye... 

Without saying "I love you". 

How he wanted to have helped more, stayed more at home, and hugged her more to the point of decorating how she fit her chin on his shoulder and how her head tickled his dark skin. How he wished he had said he was proud to be that woman's son and how he wanted to have said he loved her when panic was evident in her eyes... when she had to drown out her own sobs of desperation for her children. 

How Eren wanted that woman hugging him to remember that she was one of his greatest regrets, one he would carry forever as his existence shattered in the nothingness of a nonexistent reality. 

"Do you want to come in for lunch?" It was the first thing Carla said when undoing the contact, a hopeful glow in her eyes. "My husband Keith should be here by now because he always promises to eat meals with us and I'm sure he wouldn't mind having someone else at the table and-" 

But he knew he couldn't be someone important to anyone there. He knew spending too much time for someone to remember a stranger who once walked those streets was selfish. 

"No need to worry, ma'am, I'm already leaving town. And I'm also a little tired." Eren gave her a small smile, eyes so full of emotions the green had become a turbulent and suffering dark tone. He watched her feature fall and blamed himself for disappointing her once again. 

"Ah..." Carla seemed not to believe it, and maybe she would even insist more if the child wasn't pulling on her skirt and warning her that he needed to use the bathroom. In a hurry, an idea seemed to light up in her mind and she said it while gathered the bags from the floor. "If you're tired, you can stop by the teashop just around the corner. They have the best black tea in town." 

Green eyes immediately widened, the idea of having tea for the last time reminding him of the only person who made him keep going. Keep moving on and making choices and trying to not regret anything... 

Reminding him of the person who believed so much in his ability, that he gave up his closest friends to protect him. The person that believed in his choices even when the actions he took were dubious to others. 

"I will. Thank you, ma'am." With a short nod, he turned away and proceeded to walk in the pointed direction. A gigantic part of himself wanted to turn back and check if she was still watching him, if she recognized his back from some deep part in her soul. But the darkest part of him feared looking back and having the sight of a titan lifting her from a destroyed house and breaking her spine in two. 

This Carla deserved to have a better life than the one his mother had, and Eren knew that turning back was not a choice he could make. That's why he forced his feet to continue his strides, while he recognized at a glance faces he no longer remembered. 

A blond man smelling a horse, a freckled boy polishing shoes, a blonde girl walking her father through the streets. All the houses were still intact, flowers on the window and carpets hanging from the parapets. Some cats ran towards damp alleys and the sun seemed to reign for everyone. 

Until over his head, he spotted a simple board. Made of wood and with a rounded shape, the sign had rude and coarse letters outlining the words that made Eren's heart miss a beat. 

“Levi’s Teashop.” 

And how could he not recognize the name that came out of his mouth so many times, all of them bathed in admiration and faith? How could he not recognize the one who drove away the apathy with which he destroyed the town of Marley? The one who welcomed him to Zeppelin with a kick in the mouth? 

Captain Levi was not a captain in that world. He probably hadn't spent his childhood in the Underground, forced to fight for survival. Perhaps he was even taller if hunger and malnutrition didn't taint his childhood. Maybe he was thinner, calmer, and more outgoing. 

Perhaps Captain Levi smiled regularly in this calm life. 

Knowing all the possibilities in sight, thinking about all the happiest and content Levi’s he could find, Eren didn't avoid letting out a sigh of relief, wide eyes filled with surprise when the man behind the shop counter looked exactly the same person. 

Quite short, with a military cut and a permanent frown on his face while wiping cups of tea with immaculately clean cloths. 

The familiarity of seeing him with a cloth on his head was so great a small smile formed on his lips, a longing feeling swelling his heart. 

"Are you just standing there or are you going to order something, brat?" 

His smile increased even more when the voice so hoarse and deep referred to him with such naturalness, almost as if Eren could be someone ordinary and accepted in any world. 

"I don't have all the time in the world." 

But that phrase took away any vain hope of being able to observe the sharp, pale features any longer. Because Eren certainly didn't have all the time in the world. 

His time was exhausting with every breath he takes, the tic-tac of an invisible clock cutting off the thread of his life by each second. Levi might not have all the time in the world, but he would surely see tomorrow, while Eren feared blinking and seeing it all disappear before his eyes. 

As always, Levi brought up the emotions Eren tried to hide the most, the secrets he was trying to drown out. 

The truth is, he was tired. Tired of seeing how much everything would be better without him and enraged for still feel happy to see everyone safe. 

It was as if his absence was proof of peace. 

But unlike Levi had taught him, he did regret some things. He regretted never having spoken how he felt every time he brought watery teas to Levi at the end of the night. He regretted never having spoken how the moments filling out paperwork with him were the best and calmest. Regretted never having let the eyes wander for more than a few seconds on pale skin or trying to read a little more from metallic blue eyes. 

He regretted seeing a silent love die without blooming. Grieved never knowing if their relationship could have been anything more than captain and subordinate. 

Worse still, he felt wronged by, unlike everyone else, never having the opportunity to love. Never having the opportunity to be more than humanity's last hope. More than a monster. 

At that moment, on the verge of disappearance, Eren was envious of never having the opportunity of being human, of being held and cherished. 

Besides, why would Levi waste his time with someone like Eren? A man, with scars marking his soul and the body of a titan? 

But he also knew that those wishes were impossible. In the world in which he lived, neither of them would allow themself any happiness while everything crumbled around them. 

"Oi, are you listening to me?" Sharp eyes had rested a cup of tea on the counter and now watched the stranger in his establishment. "I've never seen you around here, brat. What's your name?" 

For a moment, Eren wanted to be more than jealous. He wanted to be selfish and make that one person remember his name, remember that he was there and alive at some point, even though no one would remember his pain. 

He also wanted to run to the man and touch the black strands for the first and last time. Maybe taste his thin, chapped lips and feel alive of having someone's skin against his. He wanted to memorize that man, memorize his clean and musk smell, his cold skin and his calloused hands. 

But the sound of glass shattering in the distance reminded Eren of where he really was. 

That world was an illusion of something he would never have and the realization of what was being denied to him was too strong for him not to bite his lips, frowning eyebrows so strongly that Eren felt them pulling the muscles of his face. 

"Hey... are you okay?" The voice was a little more concerned, Levi going around the counter to get close to the boy. He had a confused expression on his face, as if seeking a distant memory. "You're not strange to me. Is this the first time you've been in town?" 

Eren nodded, eyes filling with tears when he realized that the sound of rumbling approached him like the sound of colossal titans footprints. 

"Uh?" Levi seemed startled by the quick reaction, taking a step back and watching the boy with wide eyes. He seemed confused by what that boy suddenly got teary eyes. "Uhhh... Do you want some tea?" 

Eren now denied with his head, arms curling around his own body and hugging himself while thick tears dropped from his lashes. 

"Maybe a handkerchief to take off this-uh... phlegm of your face?" 

And of course that would be something Levi would say. Of course, he'd still find it disgusting, even if Eren was about to disappear for eternity, with no one to save him two thousand years later. 

He shook his head harder, but a small, full of emotions smile stretched his lips. 

Because in the end, this man was still the man he loved, and one last time, he was given the chance to make one ultimate request. 

"Kiss me." 

Even his voice was unrecognizable and he knew that Levi's bulging eyes were clearly a "no", especially when Eren had tears streaming down his cheeks and a miserable smile adorning his lips. 

That's when he knew the moment had come. 

Turning his back, Eren took quick steps to the door, opening it by the doorknob and leaving a trail of a particular scent behind him. 

"Hey! Are you out of your mind? Come back here, brat!" 

Levi immediately went behind, but a few feet late were enough to open the door of the establishment to an empty street. 

For Eren, he found himself back in a desert covered by the collapsing universe. Around him, the stars and auroras broke like glass, turning to dust as they landed in the sand like star pounder. A few meters ahead, a suspended crib had materialized and in it, a blond baby was lying down. 

The desperate crying of a child was what caused Eren to propel himself forward even though his feet and hands began to tingle in an uncomfortable way, as if he had lost the sensitivity and control of those limbs. 

"Ymir!" He called, the earth swallowing his feet like mud and making it difficult for him to reach her. Fear and despair were what drove him to reach the child and take her in his arms in time for the tingle to consume his legs and force him to drop to his knees. 

"Ymir, shh, it's alright, you don't have to cry." Nesting the baby in his lap, Eren hugged her and put the baby's head on his shoulder, trying to swing his arms with the forces he had left while constantly whispering: "Shhh, now you're free." 

But perhaps that reaffirmation was also for himself, a mantra that helped him to ignore the emptiness taking place around him. 

"You are free, Ymir... B-but I... I don't want to die." 

All bravery and all strength couldn't fight against the shrapnel of reality that fell like rain beside them. In the midst of despair, that sickened mourning and the tears flowing down his face were the only truth that belonged to him. 

"I-I don't want to die..." 

As everything around him, the baby in his arms began to fragment, while the sound of crying was calming down more and more. Eren knew that, unlike him, Ymir had a world and the future waiting for her. 

But even so, he tried to hold her stronger, clinging to the last hope he had. 

"I don't want to die! I don't want to-Levi!" A painful hiccup escaped his throat when his arms were empty and then he realized that his entire torso had also lost sensitivity, as well as his thighs, arms, neck, face... 

Until all he felt was a frightening emptiness that gradually filled himself with absolute calm, while his thoughts were organized as if prepared to be recited. 

“Levi...” 

If he didn't listen, that's fine. Still, Eren had a few things to say, a few things to accept so he could leave. 

He didn't want to die. He didn't want to be forgotten. He didn't want to be the only one left behind. 

But gradually he was feeling light as a plume, the tingling rising and rising and rising until an unknown breeze blew the sand towards him and, like everything else, he shattered to be carried along with them. 

Despite all his hopes, in the end, his body and soul were disintegrated by the grandeur of reality and a single tear hanging in the air was all that remained of an existence. 

\----------

Looking both ways, Levi saw no tall boy with long brown hair and stunning green eyes. 

It was as if he was missing in the air, the peculiar perfume being the last proof that the Ackerman wasn't alone in that room. 

The perfume and a piece of lovingly folded paper that was on the floor, being carried gradually by the sea wind. 

Levi looked around once again to make sure that the unforgettable eyes weren't spying on him from a corner and only then he ducked down to unroll a paper folded four times to look small. 

He opened the note to come across a small, messy writing, almost as if it had been written by some who hadn't the opportunity to fully be educated. Arching his eyebrow for that detail, the man checked the street once more and went back into the store. Sitting in an empty chair, he held the paper in front of him and gave voice to the written words: 

_"Why sacrifice yourself so much when you can just be free? I could say the answer I always carried with me, but now_ _it's_ _your time. You have already made your legacy in a world a few could change everything; in a world where nothing could stop the two of us._

_But_ _you've_ _been gone so long, you missed everything. The world we knew could change in a single day if you go away._

_And this time, I will never sing my cries for freedom again. And this time, you_ _won't_ _have to wait another day to be alive. I will never sing again because, with just one wave,_ _I'll_ _be the one who can change everything._ _I'm_ _freeing you now and you don't have to work that hard anymore. It will be my swan song._

_For you, Levi, I wish you to live your life. Live wherever you are and be free. And may your dreams_ _and your soul learn to say goodbye to the world we lived in._

_I can see what has grown in my absence. The connections, sometimes tenuous, sometimes made at great cost, but often magnificent. They happened after I was gone. And I begin to see the things in_ _a way that made me hold the world without me in it. When my mom last hugged me, I realized_ _that,_ _all this time, I've been waiting for her._

_I've_ _been waiting for so long. I was afraid she_ _wouldn't_ _come. I wish she had told me that she loved me for the last time_ _..._

_Nobody notices we leave. I mean, the moment when we really choose to go. At best, in rare situations, you might feel a whisper, a breeze settling gently on the floor._

_My name has been the subject of promises, deaths, prayers, and curses. I was 19 when I destroyed the world_ _I lived in. And I was here for a moment and then I was gone. I wish you and everyone a long and happy life._

_H.L.H "_

And only then, when he dragged his thumb across the initials left on the letter, did a strange name flash in his mind like a dim star giving its last breath of life. 

It was then that Levi found himself whispering a name he had never heard in his life, but which caused a suffocating tightness in his chest. 

_"_ _Eren._ _.._ _Who..._ _Who is_ _Eren_ _?"_

A simple, unnoticed tear came down the pale face and landed on the initials H.L.H. 

**The End**

_You will know you're reborn tonight  
Must be ragged but I stay by your side  
Even if my body's bleached to the bones  
I don't want go through that ever again_

**_Call of Silence - Hiroyuki Sawano_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, H.L.H is Humanity's Last Hope. Please, give me kudos and a hug. I love you all.


End file.
